The rod, the rules, the child

" He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

Proverbs 13:24

I am starting this entry with a bible verse that stirred so many emotions from our e-group. An article regarding this particular verse was shared by a fellow mom and it has solicited so many different opinions on how one should discipline a child.

So am I saying that my basis on our child's discipline is biblical? Am I one of those parents who say, "Spare the rod, spoil the child?" Does this mean that I am pro-spanking and that my child will grow up in such a way that his reprimands will comprise of a belt? I see some eyebrows being raised. Let me give you my two-cents worth.

I believe in the value of discipline. I grew up knowing how it is to be disciplined and I am in every way thankful that I was raised that way. Yes, I have had my share of the belt. I even experienced kneeling on a bed of rock salt and monggo beans. None was traumatic for me. My sister and I would laugh at those experiences remembering how we would cheat and not kneel as soon as the door of the room was closed. My mom never expected us to kneel all the way. She just wanted us to learn to follow rules.

When our son turned 6-months old we learned that he can already distinguish the difference in our voice pattern. So naturally I have learned to shout "No!" when I need for him to know that he shouldn't do a particular thing. I was able to observe how he would still try to do it again but stops whenever I call out his name in a louder, deeper, I-told-you-not-to-do-that voice. That means he is ready to be disciplined already.

Does this mean I can now spank him any time I want if does not obey what I say? Of course not. But I have had my moments of striking his hand whenever he want to touch the electrical socket or whenever he wants to unplug our appliances. I do that because he no longer listens to the change in my voice pattern and I need to emphasize that it is not safe for him to play with such things. He may not understand everything that I am saying but I will not regret having to hit his hand every now and then to let him feel that he cannot always have what he wants.

Some may say that you can always talk to a child to discipline him. I say you should always talk to a child not just when you want to discipline him but in any case possible. When you don't spare him of the rod, you should explain why you did it and what he needs to do so that he won't have to experience getting hit again.

I am grateful because my husband and I have the same thoughts on discipline. Still, we are yet to find out as Zye grows older. I am hoping though that the Lord will guide our son in such a way that we wouldn't have to use the rod. Am I trying to contradict myself? Not a bit. The possibility of having a well-disciplined son without have to go through the spanking is achievable with a great deal of Divine intervention.

In the argument that the above opening verse is subject to many interpretations, I beg to disagree. We may have our different opinions on this subject but God didn't send that message to be interpreted in different ways. He knew exactly what His message was. It's about time that we ask Him to reveal it to us.

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This is my official entry to the 7th edition of

Pinoy Parenting Blog Carnival.

Welcoming back PPBC and Doc Joey too as she hosts this one again.

Of types and kind

In our journey as new parents, we have to assess ourselves well and determine what kind of parent we ought to be.

Should we be strict parents? Strict to the point of having your kid fear you? Strict that only your voice is heard and nobody else's opinion matter once your decision is made? Tough call. But for sure we don't want to be that strict a parent. We don't want our son fearing us. We want him to respect us as his parents, and learn the value of following our rules because he believes we know what's best for him.

Should we be the very kind ones who'd let their kid do whatever they wish to do? Be their bestfriend that sometimes there is no more line that distinguishes you as the parent? Of course we don't want to be too nice. They may end up not listening to you. They may have a bestfriend but there is that chance that they may no longer see you as the authority that you ought to be. We don't want to take that chance.

So what kind of parents are we? The strict bestfriend we suppose. We are trying to be that parent in the middle. One who builds enough trust by letting our son feel that we are always there to support him but letting him feel as well that when he does something wrong we won't tolerate it. We cuddle him, we play with him, we make him feel our love in every way possible. Yet we correct him as early as now by saying "NO" whenever it is needed.

There is no particular handbook on how to become a great parent. And you will only know you are a good one in how your kid is living his life. We are no perfect parents and we will never be one that's for sure. We just want to be the kind of parent that our son needs us to be.

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This is my official entry to the Pinoy Parenting Blog Carnival 6th Edition hosted by Angel.

Heart's desire

THIS IS MY ENTRY TO THE 5TH EDITION OF PINOY PARENTING BLOG CARNIVAL HOSTED BY Guardian Angel. I can't help myself getting teary-eyed while writing this post. Thank you for the invitation to write once more for PPBC.

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Everyday, I ask myself, what the future holds for my son. I guess I speak for all the parents out there who is yet to see their kid grow to become the person that they will be.

So how do we actually mold them to be great persons? How do we see them 20 years from now? Will my son become a doctor or would he rather be an engineer and build the world's finest buildings? Should we let our kid choose their path to success or must we lead them to the path that we think is best for them?

Whenever I see the world as it is -- cynical, competitive, deceiving, fast-paced, sometimes to the extent of non-caring -- I fear about how my son will face the cruelties that life can bring. It is that fear that I somehow bring different ideas in mind on how I should raise up my son, what to teach him, what he should do, what he should be when he grows up.

I want him to have the best education and be really good in school. I want him to be able to finish college and get a degree that his generation will need. An engineer perhaps, or a computer professional who can work his way up to the corporate ladder. I want him to excel as well in sports. It may be his ticket to fame and his assurance of financial freedom. I want him on top of all things to be active in church and find the ministry to which he can be of service to God.

The thing is, those are the things I WANT.....

And as much as I want all of those for him, I realized that above everything else, I WANT my son to be HAPPY. Which leads me to the realization that his dreams must be set on his own terms, his own will.

The truth is, he should grow up doing the things HE WANTS to do....

Does that mean letting him do anything? Of course not. That's where we come in. We teach him what is right from wrong. We teach him the importance of honesty, respect, faith and love. We let him grow in an environment that allows sharing of ideas and emotions but not forgetting to set rules and limitations. We emphasize the fact that as much as he can choose his own future, we are there to make sure that his decisions are not clouded and that he will know how to weigh things in his own way.

I just want him to grow up knowing God's love.
I just want him to grow up knowing how we

would do everything to give him the best.
I just want him to grow up knowing that we trust him enough

for him to follow his own dreams.

And I'm sure the rest will be history.

Big love in little ways

If parenting can be summed up in one word, then that word is LOVE.

Yes, becoming a parent requires one to know how to love unconditionally. We give everything we have without any hope of getting something in return. But then again, this love does have its rewards. Sometimes, we just have to open our eyes well to see how our love is being returned to us by our kids.

Our son, as young as he is, has his ways of making us feel that we are special from everyone else. There is that certain recognition that we are his parents and that he loves us as well.

1. Late night joy.

Zye never sleeps until we get home. Even if he does, he always wakes up whenever we are already home. We have observed this since his second month. I must say too, that this cannot be a coincidence. It happens everytime. No matter how late it gets, he waits for us always.

2. Smile for mommy.

There are those days when I get caught up on a lot of things and I would ask my son's yaya to take care of him while I do my writing. I sometimes find myself guilty of not being able to spend enough time with my son even if I am home. He stares at me while I am in front of my laptop as if waiting for me to play with him. So I start saying I'm sorry and explain why I cannot play with him. His eyes will suddenly brighten up and his lips will curve to a big smile as if telling me, "It's okay mommy. I'll wait 'till you're able to play with me."

3. Daddy is home.

It touches me to see that our son gets really excited when his daddy gets home. By the time Dong arrives, Zye is wide-eyed and smiling from ear-to-ear. He waits for his time with daddy. At first, I was afraid that Dong and our son don't have enough quality time with each other. But Zye is not demanding. Though how short it seems, he cherishes his time with his dad. Talk about being loved.

4. Hugs and Kisses.

Every night, before going to bed, Dong and I takes one side of Zye's cheek and plant kisses on him at the same time. It's a little ritual that we have before going to bed. Zye doesn't kiss back yet. But he gives this back with a very hearty laugh...one that makes us plant more kisses on him.

I am happy and blessed to know that our son loves us. And moreover, he does have his "baby ways" of showing how he loves us. I cannot ask for more, but I know there is still a lot in store for us to feel and experience.

I can just see myself getting teary-eyed when he learns to say, "I love you mommy and daddy!"

This is my entry to the 4th edition of Pinoy Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by Doc Joey. Such a great way to share my thoughts and to read those of the other parents as well. Cheers to all the parents out there who never gets tired of loving their kids.